Here is what's happened. I met 2 great guys. I gave one to my friend H. They have a ton in common and have been really hitting it off. They both say it feels like they've known each other forever. The other is still in San Diego, that I know, he has a brain tumor. I really think he might be married or something and wont just break up with me the normal way. I really have no idea what is happening there. If he has a brain tumor I don't want to just turn my back on the guy or dump him. But something just isn't sitting right with me.
I feel like I"m a shell of myself. I can see the wall I put up around people grown every day. The funny thing about this wall is that more than keeping people out it's keeping me in. I feel like a shell of myself. I don't know how to just be myself anymore. I went swimming yesterday and couldn't even relax enough to enjoy myself with my friends. I feel so isolated. Lost. Confused. Alone. Hurt. Scared. Scarred. I don't know how to shake these feeling off and move on. So I'm barricading myself inside of me.
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